My secret sanctuary
by Ahai
Summary: Hanji feels sorrow and guilt after an expedition. She naps on a sofa and also wake to find out she is not the only one who is sad...


Was there a chance to get used to it? Titans vs humans. Titans ate humans as if they were gingerbread men, gingerbread men who tried to fight back. More humans die than titans die. As soldiers it was not uncommon to watch your comrades get devoured by titans, comrades who have become good friends and allies with each other. Would it always be so painful to watch them die or would you eventually get used to it?

Hanji slept in her "special nap sofa" in a hallway where many usually didn't walk around. There was nothing wrong with this hallway, it was not scary or anything, but it was useless. Useless to the others, but very useful for Hanji. There were no doors in that hallway, it was just an empty narrow way containing this only one sofa.

Once again Hanji was a part of a titan expedition resulting to many soldiers getting eaten and a few titans getting killed. Only Levi managed to kill titans during that expedition, Hanji tried her experiments by talking to them or get any form of contact with the titans. She stopped when she saw it clearly resulted to nothing and tried to save the ones who was caught by the titans. That was no success either and everybody had to retreat when over half of the soldiers were gone and the titans were ready to devour them as well. Levi yelled at her madly when they returned inside the walls. Raw anger came out of him and on to her. Levi brought out the usual insults, his swearing and exclaimed how it could have been different if she fought instead of treating the titans like huge pets. Levi then disappeared out of her sight.

In this useless hallway Hanji loved to take a nap on this sofa after every those tragic, but common, events. There was something about this hallway, it being so empty and safely haunting. Nothing in this hallway happened which resulted to being haunted by ghosts, there was nothing spooky about this place. The only haunting place was Hanjis mind. Her head was haunting with the newly eaten soldiers she was with not long ago. Her mind haunting with the new memories and imagination of their souls soaring around asking her why she didn't save them or help them. Normally it would probably be disturbing and scary to others but to Hanji it only felt sad. She felt if she napped on the sofa, the souls inside her mind would leave her and haunt around the hallway for a while instead. Having them around her instead of inside her mind felt much easier. Hanji could see them wander around the hallway as she dreamt.

Frightened and sad faces, torn and bloody bodies ganging up on her, asking why she didn't do anything with their echoing and desperate voices. Hanji never answered her hallucinations; she waited for them to eventually fade away. Her reason for not answering them was not because it would make her seem insane, many people said she WAS insane already, but it was because she wasn't sure what to say to them. "I ignored your lives for science?" "Studying titans is more important than killing them? ". She couldn't and never wanted to say such to them. She let them torment her. She felt they deserved to do that to her, even though they weren't real and were made up by her bad conscience.

This time however, Hanji felt something that wasn't usual. Warm liquid was running down her chest. Did the imagination souls manage to make it so sad that her heart started to bleed? If so, why didn't she feel awful chest pains? Why didn't she die? The souls slowly faded away as Hanji slowly woke up. In a snoozing state, she could also feel something heavy on her chest. Something big, hard, but also somehow soft. Some big lump leaking fluids.

Hanji widened her eyes at what she saw after waking up properly. She didn't make any movements because of the surprise and still being mentally and physically exhausted. Sitting on his knees Levi had his head face down on her chest while his hands held to the sofa in a tight grip. She could tell it was Levi even though her glasses were off. The small stature, sitting or standing, and the dark, short hair gave it away. Hanji also heard small sounds; it was the sound of muffled sobbing. Was he crying? Was Levi Ackerman crying into her chest? His shoulders were shaking and her chest was getting wetter, so it had to be it even though it was hard to believe it.

Or for many people it was hard to believe, the others in the corps never saw Levi show any kind of sadness, or much emotion for that matter. No one knew what he did when he was all alone in peace. Hanji somehow found that out now.

She was not sure what to do. Pretend she was still sleeping? Comfort him? Levi was a bit more open towards her than the others, he did yell more at her at least. More so, Hanji knew and was fully aware Levi was just a human like all the others fighting for humanity and getting eaten by titans. She knew about his past, not only his occupation, so it would be odd NOT to cry for awful thing that has already happened and horrible things that keeps happening.

Without really thinking twice about it, she lifted up her arm and put her hand on his shoulder. Levi`s shaking and muffling suddenly stopped. Following he lifted up his head, his eyes were streaming with ongoing tears.

Hanji made a tiny empathetic smile, this had to be the first time she did not see Levi have a scowl for a face expression. His face expression now showed a mix of despair and surprise, his tears were a bonus his sadness as well.

"Levi..." Hanji said in a comforting tone.

"I will go, shitty glasses" Levi said, trying to talk without a sad tone in his voice, something he failed doing.

His face expression also slowly turned back to his usual scowl. He stood up and turned around getting ready to walk away. Hanji stopped him by grabbing his wrist. Levi did not turn around to her again neither did he do anything to make her let go, he just stood there.

"I am not wearing my glasses, shorty" Hanji said.

Levi turned around, watching her as she still laid on the sofa.

"Go on, Hanji. Have your laugh" He said.

Hanji slightly tilted her head. Levi had his scowl back but the tears he shed not long ago still remained under his eyes, becoming dry streaks.

"The humanity`s strongest showed weakness towards and on you. If you are doing to make fun of me do it and get it over with"

Hanji never thought Levi would ever say such. He would never tolerate anyone make fun of him, let alone call him weak. He would most likely beat up the ones who did. Levi did not look like someone who wanted to beat someone up right now, he looked...defeated. Hanji put her hand to her chest. Her chest was wet, wet because of his shed tears. Hanji dragged his down so he was on his knees again. It happened fast, he did not have the time to reject her dragging, if he at all would...

"I am sleeping here for a reason, Levi. I can be here by myself letting out my sadness. Like you I do not show much grief over the ones we have lost. I sleep as a way to drown my sorrows, I do not know if I am crying in my sleep or not but I do feel better after I wake up. I often feel guilt sometimes, I either dream or see the ones who are mad at me for not being good enough. Seems like I am not the only one anymore" Hanji said to Levi.

Out of the blue Levi slapped Hanji in the face. It did hurt, and he could have done it a lot harder. Hanji did not do anything, she waited to see what Levi would do next. Would he hit her again? Yell at her? All Levi did was sitting in silence and not move after the slap. After a little while he laid his head down on the sofa next to Hanji and rested the head in his arms.

"You idiot..." He muttered.

"Says the one who slapped me..."Hanji whispered to herself.

Levi lifted up his head and then his arms. He then put his hands on Hanji`s shoulders and laid his head on her wet chest.

"I have already lost so many, I do not want, I CAN NOT lose you too. I hate how you are so crazy, I hate the way you act, but you are the only one I have left"

Hanji, not bothered by Levi resting his head on her again, did not understand.

"The one you have left? What am I to you?" She asked.

Levi slightly lifted his head up to look at her, his tear streaks becoming wet once again.

"A loved one..." Levi said quietly.

Hanji felt as if her breath was taken away. Levi and Hanji had an odd form of friendship, he was the one getting angry at her and she was the one ignoring his insults and keep going as she always did. They were close to each other, the years of friendly and unfriendly bickering most have formed a bond towards them. But being a loved one to Levi... She has never thought about that.

"Levi... Do not have your knees on the floor like that, you should lie down too" Hanji said.

He did not ask where he was supposed to lay since the sofa was the only comfy thing in this lonely hallway, instead he laid on Hanji slowly and carefully.

He did not cover her completely, he was a small man. Lucky for Hanji the sofa was soft or else his surprisingly heaviness would have been painful to her. Levi now rested his head on the crook of her neck, not taking long for him to fall asleep.

Hanji had many thing she wanted to ask Levi, but she and he were both sad and mentally and physically exhausted. Her sorrow would not be lonely now, the ghosts of the dead ones could haunt her as much as they liked, she had Levi with her.


End file.
